you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
