Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
