so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
