now i know why i became what i already was.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
