Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
