I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
