You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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