This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
