Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
