I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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