Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
