I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
