Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
