Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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