SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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