My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
