I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Still dying that you shit outside
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
