When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
