He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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