wrigley field is MILF paradise
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
