First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
