Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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