When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
