He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
