we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
