You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
