so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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