he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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