someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
