So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
