What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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