you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
