I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
