I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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