i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
