I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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