Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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