So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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