I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
