What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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