Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We talked him into tasing himself.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
