am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
