Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
