weddingsv make me drug and hornr
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
