I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
