Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
