I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
