just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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