I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
