I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
