I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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