textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
